That’s it. That’s the post. I prefer to share my photos on my own little corner of the web. I’ve already shared this thought w/ a handful. But Instagram won’t be the it* platform for much longer. Time to move your business out of there. Think of a Plan B.
Anyway, I hope you have a great day!
Love, light, the shadowy side too—Cin.
Please play along with me here… Take a moment and look at the following pictures of myself. I promise I am not being vain. Go ahead click on each picture and take some time.
Now, after looking at them… Did you see how depressed I’ve been? Did you see how anxiety has my entire nervous system on fight or flight mode? Did you see how the week before my birthday the thought of suicide crossed my mind? That I sat down and tried to imagine a World without me in it?
I share all of that to show you that mental health doesn’t discriminate. Whether you’re white, black, brown, yellow, orange, or blue… As long as you have a brain and a soul while having a human experience— you too could be affected. I beg you to keep this in mind when you’re living your daily life. Everyone is battling something. Everyone. The person with the most amount of money in the World is probably battling something. Even those in the limelight suffer from mental health problems. I’ve been dealing with depression on and off since the age of 12, and anxiety? Let me just say that one of the earliest memories I have is me being 3/4 years old anxious a/f due to something that wasn’t in my control. Mental health conditions vary and show up differently.
I can’t sit here and tell you what to do to get better. But I can tell you a few things that I do when I feel like I can’t go on. Yes, trying to imagine a World without myself in it is grim as fuck. But it helps me see things from another perspective. I was recently reminded that sometimes that’s all it takes. To change perspectives when it comes to things in life. While imagining this World I saw a son that was heartbroken, I know the pain of losing a mother (my mom passed away in 12/2017) all too well. I couldn’t imagine choosing that for him as well. I see my partner hurting as well, asking himself questions. I see my siblings as well lost and confused, wondering how they could’ve lost the two women in the family. I see my business never growing, I see myself never fully coming into my gifts, I see myself not spreading the love that I have inside. I see so much being cut short. And I don’t want that! I have come too far to just call it quits here.
Another thing that I do is I communicate how I am feeling to those that are closest to me. I refer to them as “check ins”. It could be a text “Hey just checking in and wanted to let you know how I’ve been feeling…” And I try to communicate what I need from them as well “I’d like to go out to lunch sometime soon, I need to get out of the house.” Simple. It also creates a safe space for the other person to open up if they’re feeling the same way as you. Odds are you’re not alone. But even if you are—you aren’t because there’s still support out there. I hope that makes sense. For those that I don’t reach out to, one way you can tell I am having a hard time is when I disappear from social media. IF I am not posting on my stories as much.
I also have professionals that I can reach out to when I need. My therapist is literally a call and a message away.
And being honest with yourself. If you can’t do that then who else can you be honest with? Be honest about how you’re feeling, about what is bothering you, sit and think about what needs to change for you to be better.
It is also important to hold space for those that you love and are close to. We are human. We will mess up. We won’t answer every text message that we receive, as we won’t get a response from everyone that we send out. I will speak for myself when I say that I try my best with everything I do. But that won’t look the same from day to day. I give myself that grace, time, patience and understanding. I do my best at extending that same courtesy to others. I feel that life is too short to hold grudges and that life is too short to lose relationships over some miscommunication.
Suicide has affected my family directly when one of my cousins took his life. I think he was 19 when he did it. That was rough to overcome because I was in the midst of depression myself. He left us with many unanswered questions. Suicide doesn’t always result from something traumatic having happened during the days or hours leading up to it. For me when it enters the chat is when I’m feeling at my wits end. When I am feeling too much and am feeling tired of it all. His death has saved me more times than I can count.
Thank you so much for taking time to read this. If you’re feeling depressive, anxious, suicidal, reach out to someone.
~ Cin.