Hello, I hope you’re well. Myself? I’m making my way towards better days. Each passing day is a better day. Please, let’s all try and remind ourselves of this ever so often. I don’t know if it’s depression or the grief or both? Or could it be the things going on behind the scenes IE: work, finances, my sensitivity. Yes, my sensitivity plays a part. You see, I always feel the emotions of others, I’m what is know as an empath. And sometimes I feel too many feelings and it’s hard to decipher if it’s my own or that of others. But, I’m learning to work with my crystals and other methods to protect myself from that. The easiest way is to visualize a white loving, protective light around you. Picture it sorta like a cocoon and expand that light. Do this from time to time.

My father’s oldest sister passed away on Friday Jan 17th. And that sorta just pushed things to the surface—many emotions that I had put in little boxes and stored in the back of my mind and heart.

The feelings sorta feel foreign at first. I just know that I feel off and not myself. And then it turns into anxiety, depression, anger, and this is what’s wild about this grief thing. The fact that regardless of how many times I go through these episodes the reason behind it all always is the last thing that I think of “I am mourning my mother.” I miss my mother. And don’t get me wrong, I know that she’s here with me right now. As soon as I think her. I know she comes. But I miss our interaction. And those hugs, one of a kind! And then I will randomly burst into tears. Silent tears usually. Or a real good ugly cry in the shower. Although, in our household it is known that if I am crying, it’s because I miss my mother. Unless I state otherwise lol. It helps avoid the questions, and I get space, and extra hugs and kisses.

Now that I have survived several of these moments, I am better at identifying it for what it is. My grief just showing its face. And what choice do I have other than to face it head on? Ride the waves of emotions, and remind myself that tomorrow will be a better day. But this is something else that I had to learn. Because I have learned so much! But I’ll leave that for another post.

I deleted Instagram from my cellphone. I feel lighter, believe it or not. The last time that I was on it was earlier this week. Wednesday Jan 22nd maybe? (I added the date for my own records) Back to my point…The last time that I was on Instagram I kept feeling frustrated? Overstimulated? Disgust? This is a perfect example of how my sensitivity can take its toll. I just knew that I needed a break. I wont lie and say that while I’m on my phone’s Home screen, I don’t catch myself scrolling to the left, to the left to go on Instagram. Only to remember that I deleted it. What have I been doing? I keep myself busy reading, studying, playing games on apps, talking to people Via text lol. And I am OFF the phone more now. I just do something else. I am trying to hold out until March but lets see.

I went to the Lake again last week. I had been wanting to go back but just never got around to it. It was either too cold, windy, raining, snow, it was too dark. But the stars aligned (me being dramatic) and I was able to go! I leave you with these beautiful images.

Love and light, Cin.

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