Thank you to everyone that read my last post. It meant a lot to me. I also received messages of love and support and I just want to say that I truly appreciate every single one!

With the recent changes new boundaries have been established. Like I said before, some people are still refusing to accept them but that’s a problem that they have to overcome not me.

I haven’t heard or spoken to my father since the Sunday after Black Friday. That was when I went back to the house to pick up some remaining items. That was also when I sat with him telling him how things would be moving forward. I didn’t mention in the previous post that one of his responses was questioning why I wouldn’t go into the home anymore? That I can’t react that way and come to that decision because him and this woman didn’t start their relationship while my mother was still alive. And I told him that I understood that. But, that I’m just not ready to be a part of this chapter of his life. I need time. How much time? I don’t know. But I need time. This had been voiced previously, multiple times. So it’s not news. There’s a lot that I am leaving out, because I still have respect for him. But the way that everything came to be was on some “I’m doing what I want, likes it who likes it. I don’t care.” Fine. Sir stand on that. Just sucks that he assumed I’d be along for it. Again. He knew this not to be true. But I guess he thought I’d change my mind.

He said that I didn’t have a right to keep his grandchild away from him. To which I responded, that in no way would I ever. It just has to be different and not at the house. I did also tell him that if things didn’t work out, that he should always know that I’d never be one to say “I told you so.” To trust that myself and my oldest brother would be there for him if he ever needed.

I have asked those that call me and are also in touch with him to not tell me about the things that he does for his wife and step daughters. I’ve heard about cakes, laptops, driving lessons, etc… And I’ve been telling those people “hey, whenever you call me and want to talk, I’d rather you not tell me this or that.” Simple.

Like I stated in the previous post, any dealings that we’ll have in the future will be either in a neutral environment or in my home.

I know when I’ll officially meet her. They don’t know but I do. It’ll be with my brother next to me. I want to show a united front when it comes to being his children. Yes, we may not live in the household or talk to him everyday. But he’s not alone.

Throughout all of this I’ve had to stop telling my father my personal business. So, whenever I need a listening ear or advice I have to either go within, or go to others. I know him and I don’t want him pillow talking about my business.

I am honestly just looking forward to the dust settling and moving on with my life. So I am leaving this here to just move on. I also wanted to say my part because I know people talk, people within the family and outside of it talk. And why not give my side? So here it is. In black and white in entries 55 and 56 for whoever wants to return and reference as to why things within the family unit have taken the turn that they have.

Let me tell you about some of the things that I found in that attic! It was a ride down memory lane! I found school IDs that my mom had kept, one of my first journals from the age of 9! I also found many letters and cards and test scores from when I became a Medical Assistant. I was shocked to see in black and white how great my grades were. They were all 80s and 90s. It showed me that memories can be fickle. I also found my first JT poster pictured below. Now I look at him and cringe lol no offense.

Again, thank you.

Love, light, the shadow too—-Cin.

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