The other day I sat with myself and started thinking back to when I embarked on the journey of my awakening. This happened when I started to question the rules and the norms around me. When I realized that life wasn’t rainbows and butterflies (I was eleven years old) and I can remember that I sat on my bed in my bedroom crying. I even wrote a letter to the President, and then crumpled it up and threw it away because I knew that he didn’t hold the answers for Humanity. And he wouldn’t—couldn’t do much about my concerns. That was ‘98, and in ‘99 I had my NDE (near death experience) and knew that there was more to life after “death”. But still had my reservations about the man known as Jesus and about God.

Fast forward from 1999 to 2003 and I am about to be taken on another ride. Now at 17 years old, I was entering my Senior year of High School and I was getting depressed. I was beginning to question friendships and the people in my life. As well as outgrowing my old tastes, and hobbies. I started to realize that the friendships that I held close, weren’t in alignment with who I was maturing into. It didn’t help that my mother started to have some health problems. I wasn’t feeling emotionally supported within the romantic relationship that I had been in since the age of 14 and mixed with my mental health being chipped away… I was slowly drowning. The relationship eventually ended shortly after January of 2004. That was the month a cousin of mine commited suicide. It was rough but it snapped me back to reality for a bit. And it forced me to get out of the unhealthy and morbid space that I had been in. For a bit.

I was feeling better. Started a new relationship and was on a roll. A lot of things happened in between, but the next awakening came around 2009. When I decided to start my natural hair journey. When I questioned why I felt the need to have my scalp burned off by deadly chemicals just to be or feel “beautiful“. I then began asking other women in my friends and family circles the same questions. This time period felt like a rollercoaster. The highs and the low lows. In 2010 I started getting my Spiritual gifts. The intuition that was never wrong, the little voice in my head that would know things, the dreams, I’d hear things as well. Nothing bad ever. But this was all new to me. So much so that I sought out counseling and was misdiagnosed as Bipolar in 2011. In 2016-17 is when I started to learn about Crystals, and meditation.

As you can see when it’s all written down. Awakening is a process, a journey. There are levels to it. And one thing that I can say for certain is that once it happens there’s no going back. It really is a blessing. But it might not feel like it while you’re going through it. It can be very uncomfortable and painful. It makes you take accountability for what you do or say. It helps you see that everything and everyone on this Planet (and beyond) are connected. It is also great at helping you see the bullshit for what it is. Bull shit. It also gave me back the freedom that was taken from me before I came to be. It helped change the narrative for me. All you have to do is not be afraid to ask those uncomfortable questions, even if it’s to yourself.

Love and light always, Cin.