30| PART TWO
The next thing that I saw (sorta like a daydream) was myself laying down on grass. It was a huge field with wild flowers, and Mountain View’s in the distance. It was just me there. It was a nice sunny day. “What are you feeling? Thinking?” Neoshi asked. “I’m just waiting for my next meal. And wondering when it will come.” I felt like I was in South America? But wasn’t sure. I saw myself stand up and making my long walk towards a small cottage, where my mom was. She had called me inside to eat. We ate bread. She was an older woman. Fair skin. She had a wrinkled face which felt like she was in her late 50s early 60s. She was a bread maker and sold it for a living. It was just the two of us. “Does her energy feel familiar to you? Can you recognize who she is?” she asked. “Uhh I don’t know it feels like… looks like.. gasp. My great grandmother! My mom’s grandma.” Life felt repetitive. I felt bored and felt a yearning for more. “Is this all there is?” “What name does she call you?” She asked. “An M name… Martin? Martin.”
Fast forward to another time in that life. It was a painful memory. I was at my mother’s bedside. She was dying and I was a mess. She was unresponsive and I was holding her hand in both of mine. I was kneeling bed side and had her hands on my face. Sobbing. Wondering what I’d do without her? What would become of me? How could I go on alone? After she passed. I remained by her side for hours. I saw when I stood up and pulled the covers over her head, and turned away from her and carried on.
Fast forward to another part of that life. I was at a pub. I was celebrating. This is when I realized that I was a man. I had curly red hair. All that I kept seeing were beer pint glasses full to the brim and me toasting and cheering with others. So much singing! Singing so many songs and dancing and celebrating. “What are you celebrating? Is it something for you?”… “Hmm I’m not sure.” I answered. “Okay, let’s take you to another moment to see if we can find out what it is you’re celebrating.”
Hmmm… I see a beautiful woman with red curly hair. She’s wearing clothes like back in the days, with buckles on her shoes. She’s radiant. Wearing a fancy hat, and one of those cloth umbrellas women use for the sun. And that’s when I saw it, me looking up at her face as I slid a ring on her finger! I was proposing! I had been celebrating my engagement at the pub!
Forgive me, because I’m not sure if this part happened before the bar scene or after. But, I saw myself as a shoe maker in that life. I saw myself hammering the soles, and being focused on my craft. I stood up, looked at my work space, and closed and locked the door to head home. I saw myself walking slowly up a hill, with both hands in my pockets. Head low. I felt defeated. Wondering… “Is this all there is?” Fast forward to my death. I saw myself in a bed made out of wood. I saw my wife, looking not as radiant caring for me. I didn’t know what was wrong or what happened so Neoshi guided me back to see what led me to being bedridden. I saw myself looking up at someone, I was on one knee, with one arm shielding my face. All went black. And then cut to the coma. Yes, I was in a coma. I was conscious though. And I felt like a prisoner in my own body. I could hear and was aware that my wife was just wishing that I’d die already. I too wished that. I longed for my death to come because she deserved to be free. And I didn’t want to continue on like that. I passed away. With her by my side. I wasn’t sure if any one else was there, but I was very aware that she was. She looked like me when my mother passed. On her knees at my bedside with my hand in hers. Sobbing. Heartbroken. I felt my spirit rising and I saw her get smaller and smaller and smaller as I just kept going higher and higher into the sky. I crossed over and I saw someone. Someone wearing a long flowy white robe was welcoming me. It was Jesus! I went right into his opened arms. “Can I talk to Jesus?” Neoshi asked.
“Yes” said my voice. But Cindia took a step back and was in the back seat.
Until my next post…
Love, Light and shadowy too, Cindia.
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